i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
