I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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