Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
