I am puke
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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