just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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