He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize