I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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