I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Your dad touched me again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
