Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
