I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
