Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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