he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize