So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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