I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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