You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I've blown a few things in my day
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
