Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
