Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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