those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
