Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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