Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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