I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I will be naked everywhere
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
