whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
