First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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