I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
