to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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