Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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