Someone shit on the floor
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
