I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
