All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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