Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
