Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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