did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
