No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
