i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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