Taylor Swift is so right about you.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
