Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
