dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
