So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
