yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
