this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You're like the curious george of whores
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
