I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
