i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
