i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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