Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
