Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
