Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
