Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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