She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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