do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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