and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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