What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
