I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
