i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm like, not good at living.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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