i need an iv and a liver transplant
no you cant smoke seaweed
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
