I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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