So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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