he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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