I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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