remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
