your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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