whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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