I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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