Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
