I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize