dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
