At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
