Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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